Blood On the Wings of the Angel

I fell just as I thought I'd become stable Depression came back twice as strong and I don't want to quit My wounds have reopened, I need someone to help me with this But I stay to myself because I don't want to get my blood on the wings of the angel My mind is telling me to stay quiet and that I shouldn't share a lot of this I've been numb for so long that I thought I was on top of it Everything that was broken, I had hopes of mending it Suicidal thoughts have occupied my mind recently, I've been close to ending it Staring at a bottle of pills as I drink my brandy with no mixer Hurting so much from her, that I've spent many nights at the club with strippers Cap low, so they don't see the tears that quietly fall from my eyes As soon as I get home behind my own walls, I just hide I need a hug, But I'm too emotionally damaged to accept being touched My problem is, I either show no emotion or too much I just can't seem to find the perfect middle ground I'm keeping my head above the water, But I need someone to pull me out so I don't drown People Continue to tell me I have a strong mind How can I have, when alcohol has me talking about things I've had locked away for a long time Messaging my ex who I secretly miss I hid the feelings away for so long, I genuinely forgot they exist I've locked myself away in my bedroom for the past week Her smile made me give up the secrets I wanted to keep I'm wishing I could go back and not say or feel a thing Right now I need protection, but I'll hide away to cope, because I don't want to get blood on an angel's wings