'berrban's Bourbon's' Key Ingredient

On Monday morning, August 7th, 1823...someone that you’ve never heard of took his first small breath, And all that he’s remembered for’s his awesome sour mash, and how he met, by all accounts, his quite peculiar death! According to our fam’ly tree, Jebadiah Berrben owned the largest brewery that Ohio’d ever had Back in the1800s...and for years I’d been reminded that every man - on every branch - and that includes my dad - Knew - and knows - the closing time of every bar in Dayton - and all have been - since cars appeared - nailed with DUIs! Hell...every joint that peddles liquor loses tons o’ money every time a Berrben serves a stint in jail - or dies! But back to Jebadiah. All the - ‘fermentation vats’ - built back then from solid oak - were fitted with a ladder, And every day, when by himself, he’d scale them, one by one, and - seasoning each about the same – discretely - drain his bladder! “I use a - ‘key ingredient’” - he’d boast about his brew, “that sets my whiskey far apart from all the rest there is!” And I can guarantee ya’, friend, I’ve sampled countless brands...an’ I ain’t found a bourbon yet that drinks as smooth as his! “Berrben’s Bourbon” first appeared in 1859...and great, great, grandpa Jebadiah died in 1910... Which was of course - and sadly so - the year the brewery closed, and when we’d learn - at last - what his - ‘ingredient’ - had been. In his will the wise old dude had fin’ly spilled the beans on what he’d always felt had made his bourbon so unique. He said the only tricky part was finding opportunities where no one there would see him when he’d climb to - take a leak! And HOW he died is also strange. Having scaled a vat...after making sure that there was no one else around... On a brim and leaning in to, you know --- do his thing --- he evidently slipped and fell and consequently drowned! Today, with what they bring at auction, man I wish we’d saved some...bottles now bring crazy bucks, but I can tell you this... What they fetch would drop like hell if ever word got out that Jebadiah’s secret ‘key ingredient’ --- was his piss!