Being What I Am

I seek a better life far beyond depression My mental state needs to be repaired Along with it, I need compensation for being born; I did not ask for it. Till then shall love be but my peace of mind? I would like to believe it will Doubts creep in and stay for a long time Why do they torment me? My difficulties meet with every minute that passes by There are no cures, so I think They are the conflicts created a long time ago They haunt me still. Having seized my doomed life from the grave Not knowing the reason why when I’m so keen to exit That’s what happens with a confused mind Loving on edge all the time. Most of the tears will be found wanting Having no cause for being morbid What has been created cannot be undone I only can utter this is life….. When the sound of unwholesomeness I hear There’s no need to listen to the heart It has been conquered mediocrity I can do nothing about it. Within the boundaries of loving there’s a heart Functioning in a way the mind dictates For with it, fantasies are created As I am consumed by it. Being happy in a family surroundings Having all that I need and more Alongside sexual fulfilment To wake up in repulsion! When I’m living behind prison bars I am broken In need to escape and quickly as possible What freedom will I find? If I free myself after all. If the revitalized body assumes emotions again Keeping the mind and heart abreast of love There will be hope, I think Or even a waiting hell. To the end of life itself, Being so murky and disproportionate Would I want to be revived? Would I want to go through it again? Reconciled by these thoughts Cognitive contents have opened compassion’s gates I wonder if I should accept them Trying to go along with it. In justification through my beliefs I should know my transgressions are many To be forgiven I shall not know The past roads were wide and weary….. Can I cry for lost time now departed? It is a different country from the past; I cannot live there anymore I cannot love here now, also! To call for exasperated mind and the unadorned heart Where the spirit is weak and possessed There is no possibility of a return Except if sanity can be restored. Consequential grief is not prescribed It waits for an overall doom It shall blacken my life So be it!