Before Saying I Love You

This is not some rhyming poem If that's what you wanted, my apologies This is me, the whole me, and what lies within You have absolutely no idea Just how hard it is To put to words what lives in my heart, my thoughts, and my dreams I don't know how to explain it The smile that fills my heart, when I think of you The childish nervousness I feel when you're around How I want to hold you To live each experience with you To walk beside you To kiss you goodnight To see you at your worst Yet still see your flawless beauty I love you falls short The words are there but they can, in no way Express how I feel for you The what ifs, the why's, are hard to cope with The way my mind wanders to you When I wake Before I sleep Throughout the day No matter where I am or life takes me I want to experience us I want to hold your hand in your darkest hour And be the light that brings you through to the other side I want to protect you forever and keep you safe I want all your tomorrows to start with me I want more I need more Yet I know I can't have it I struggle not hearing your voice None of this is right, I know, but I can't help it Maybe I should keep this to myself Maybe you need to know I don't know, I'm confused I hope I didn't do wrong Or upset you, by telling you this Each day that passes is less time on this earth For us too share as one That bothers me Where am I left I only have myself to answer to and blame It hurts I feel such angst wondering if you truly know I cannot risk another day to go by without you knowing I worry that maybe I won't live up to what you think of me But most of all, I worry about a life without you You remain just beyond my grasp, my touch My lips long for you My soul weeps I worry that maybe im the only one that feels this affliction The longer I go without you, the more I want you How do I preface I love you with I'm sorry But I am You have absolutely no idea why I'm sorry you cannot feel what I do And no matter how hard I try to show you I fall short So when I say I love you, I'm also sorry Because no matter how I say it, or show it You will never truly understand how much I mean it