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Bedside Thoughts
I watch as she sleeps,
the gentle rise and fall of her chest
making sure her breathing is rhythmic
Thoughts take me back years ago
when we were playmates ~sisters
separated by little more than a year.
A tear escapes my eyes. I wipe it away
for if she wakes and sees me crying,
her tears will flow again.
My sister, my best friend
Always vibrant and busy with life
Taking care of everyone
and putting her needs last.
As quickly as a breath was taken
she'd had a stroke
and when she woke
her life had been turned
upside down, mouth drooping
as if she were wearing a frown.
My heart grieves silently
Bleeding with pain I cannot show
for I'll not let her know my fears~
My tears hidden,
I replace them with a smile
and if she would look into my eyes,
she'd know. She'd know my anguish.
Her needs are many~
Slurred speech, limp left arm
Fran, who is gifted with empathy
for the plights of others.
Now, she fights to get her life back.
She sobs when friends call
and I have to say, "She's just emotional."
Damn it! I would be, too!
I tell her it's okay and smile~
Sometimes, she smiles back at me
Sometimes, she turns her head away
We talk about childhood days
and when a haze fills her eyes,
I talk about something silly~
desperate to give her hope.
A blood clot broke free from her brain
at least it had the decency
not to enter her heart.
Distraught, of course she is
but my sister is a fighter
and we work together, day and night
to help her hand grip mine tighter.
It's 4 am, and by the night light
I look at her face, wrinkle free
but only when she's asleep.
I pray to God while I weep,
"Please give her the life she knew."
There's little more I can do
except to be her big sister.
She'll get through this hard time
with help from family and friends
Those who love her as much
as she loves all of us.
We talk about it being another hurdle
she'll get over, but this one...
this one is physical, a literal mountain
that she must climb, but not alone.
There are goals to set and reach
and each step she takes strengthens her will
to be as independent as she used to be.
I sit here, watching her as she sleeps
and only then do I allow my tears to fall.
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