Bedside Thoughts

I watch as she sleeps, the gentle rise and fall of her chest making sure her breathing is rhythmic Thoughts take me back years ago when we were playmates ~sisters separated by little more than a year. A tear escapes my eyes. I wipe it away for if she wakes and sees me crying, her tears will flow again. My sister, my best friend Always vibrant and busy with life Taking care of everyone and putting her needs last. As quickly as a breath was taken she'd had a stroke and when she woke her life had been turned upside down, mouth drooping as if she were wearing a frown. My heart grieves silently Bleeding with pain I cannot show for I'll not let her know my fears~ My tears hidden, I replace them with a smile and if she would look into my eyes, she'd know. She'd know my anguish. Her needs are many~ Slurred speech, limp left arm Fran, who is gifted with empathy for the plights of others. Now, she fights to get her life back. She sobs when friends call and I have to say, "She's just emotional." Damn it! I would be, too! I tell her it's okay and smile~ Sometimes, she smiles back at me Sometimes, she turns her head away We talk about childhood days and when a haze fills her eyes, I talk about something silly~ desperate to give her hope. A blood clot broke free from her brain at least it had the decency not to enter her heart. Distraught, of course she is but my sister is a fighter and we work together, day and night to help her hand grip mine tighter. It's 4 am, and by the night light I look at her face, wrinkle free but only when she's asleep. I pray to God while I weep, "Please give her the life she knew." There's little more I can do except to be her big sister. She'll get through this hard time with help from family and friends Those who love her as much as she loves all of us. We talk about it being another hurdle she'll get over, but this one... this one is physical, a literal mountain that she must climb, but not alone. There are goals to set and reach and each step she takes strengthens her will to be as independent as she used to be. I sit here, watching her as she sleeps and only then do I allow my tears to fall.