Bed and Breakfast

Of all the flamin’ rotten luck I said alighting from me van;
kicked the wheel holding the flat to upset our touring plan.
We’re miles away from anywhere as I rummage through our gear,   
for underneath our chock full load the spare is hidden here.

Then horror of all horrors, I cursed and swore then spat,
I’d forgot to check the spare and that too is flamin’ flat,
So we’ve ‘gotta’ wait for someone (which isn't often on this road).
Two hours we boiled in the sun before its back to travelling mode.

Another problem surfaced then for as the sun did set;
having no idea where we were and not accommodated yet.
In our headlights there's a change of luck - ‘B & B’s’ a welcome sight.
Me and the missus drove in hoping there’s room here tonight.

The old farmer with his torchlight walked us down the back.
With the beam he pointed toward a dirty run down shack.
The doorway’s full of cobwebs; windows were broken too.
He chased out a big goanna saying "Now it should be fit for you".

"Where's the toilet?” Asked the missus - “I usually visit through the night."
"I never thought of that” he said. “I'll make sure that you’re right".
He came back with a bucket, and said, "If you want privacy,
you will have to take the bucket behind the pepper tree".

Next morning just on sunrise the farmer knocks and says
"Hope I didn't wake you up - would you like bacon and eggs?”
"Yes please" we said together. “Can we have some coffee too?”
"Do you both take milk?" The farmer asked. We both replied "Thank-you".

As we packed up across he came to pick up our dirty plates.
I told him that his breakfast was one that highly rates.
"Your coffee's great" the missus said "You and your wife should take a bow".
"Why thanks” the farmer said. “Now where’s the bucket - I've ‘gotta’ milk the 
cow".
Copyright © | Year Posted 2019

Poem

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Schneiter Avatar
February 26, 2020 at 8:24 PM
The last line is classic, as is--in fact--the whole composition. You have no equal, Lindsay, in composing story poems. I love to read them. Thanks, and hugs, Paul
Laurie Avatar
March 2, 2020 at 10:13 PM
You are making me feel embarrassed after reading such a positive comment Paul. I'm pleased to post them, but I enjoy reading all the different poetry styles on this site - thank you Paul - Lindsay
De Beaulieu Avatar
May 15, 2019 at 12:11 PM
Hello Lindsay Laurie, I would not want to be at that Bed And Breakfast. I would runand spend my time in a camp ground for one night. Have a nice day my friend.
Laurie Avatar
May 22, 2019 at 8:52 PM
Hello Darlene … I don't blame you, but of course the damage was already done when they found out. You're right though; it makes you wonder sometimes - thank you Darlene - Lindsay
Dietrich Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 5:26 PM
hahahaha what a great ending, delivered so well as always!!
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 8:50 PM
Hello Andrea … I always appreciate your comments Andrea. Thank you very much - Lindsay
Hinshaw Avatar
April 18, 2019 at 11:35 AM
This one brought a huge gaffaw from me, Lindsay! One of your wittiest indeed! Keep on crankin' 'em out for our delight. Many thx for your kind comments re the epitaphs. Good on ye mate! - BoB
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 8:48 PM
G'day Bob … a very easy situation to imagine if you have met and chewed the fat with a few outback folk. Great people who live frugally - pleasure to read your thoughts Bob - catch you soon - Lindsay
Adams Avatar
April 18, 2019 at 9:39 AM
OMG! This is one of the funniest poems I've read. Very well done. Love your accent by the way. A FAV for me!!....80)
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 8:44 PM
G'day PAT … I guess it does put a nasty taste in your mouth doesn't it. Great comment from someone who has me giggling often - thanks PAT - Lindsay
Leffanta Avatar
April 16, 2019 at 7:35 PM
Proof you are the best teller of tales on Soup! Aloha! Rico
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 8:40 PM
Hello Rico … if your Mate from high places needs a holiday. This is where I'll take him for a bit of good old Aussie hospitality - thanks for making me blush Rico - Lindsay
Onclaud Avatar
April 16, 2019 at 4:50 PM
ohhh dear; you really rocked this one, laurie... want ice cream?..lol... huggs
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 8:31 PM
Hello nette … I don't think I'll have anything that is secured in a reused bucket. Thanks for reading and commenting nette - Lindsay
Curtis Avatar
April 16, 2019 at 7:40 AM
You just have to let the solids settle before you take a sip.....Not that I know...but heard some say. great job Mate lol
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 8:24 PM
G'day Jerry … thanks for the advice Jerry, but I think I'll pass on it. Also thanks for your comment; I'm pleased this tickled your fancy if not your taste buds - Lindsay
Mchattie Avatar
April 15, 2019 at 2:31 PM
Well. You get what you pay for. Great poem. Very funny. Enjoyed it a lot. Have a great day.
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 8:18 PM
G'day David … political correctness appears not to have reached the back blocks yet. Thank you for your positive comment David - Lindsay
Proxenos Avatar
April 15, 2019 at 1:39 PM
Rico is right, I also wait for your punch line at the end of your poem! Both my husband and I always enjoy your poems - I read them to him. We have also had an ill fated trip that made a 12 hour journey into 36, but I think I should write a poem about it - your poem gave me the idea - Thanks Lindsay - a great write! Poetry hugs , Jennifer.
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 7:22 PM
G'day Jennifer … this is what I hoped to promote. Readers telling us all their own true experiences in situations like this. Yours will be interesting to read as usual Jennifer - Lindsay
Mcguire Avatar
April 15, 2019 at 11:39 AM
Yikes! Great ending to a great poem.
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 7:19 PM
Hello Timothy … I'll bet you're double washing your buckets from now on - catch you Timothy - Lindsay
Pederson Avatar
April 15, 2019 at 6:54 AM
laugh laughing and more. love that. but I will pass on the coffee. great to read.
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 7:17 PM
Thank you Douglas … you could always try drinking black coffee; but not if the coffee beans have been through a civet first - might pay to turn to tea - catch you soon Douglas - Lindsay
Marcum Wong Avatar
April 15, 2019 at 2:47 AM
Lindsay, I knew it was coming....lol but not sure what, as I continued reading with a smile that grew... you are so great at telling a humorous story with your poetic style! Thank you for the entertaining laughter! I loved it! xxoo
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 7:13 PM
Dear Connie … thanks for reading and commenting once again, and I'm pleased that you enjoy my style of humour. I really do enjoy the diversity on soup, and there is so many good poets here without naming anyone - catch you soon Connie - Lindsay
Cunningham Avatar
April 14, 2019 at 11:48 PM
Haha , well it added to the flavour . Tom.
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 6:49 PM
G'day Tom … I think this might be open to debate Tom - thanks Mate - Lindsay
Roper Avatar
April 14, 2019 at 7:26 PM
Oh, no on a trip and misshapes happen .. I was always afraid to have a breakdown on the road... You described my grandfather's old ranch. Horrible ending now I'm going to have to stay away from milk
Laurie Avatar
April 19, 2019 at 6:47 PM
Hello Eve … thanks for reading and commenting. I was hoping this would revive old memories and I could read some witty tales - thanks for being the first - Lindsay
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