As I Have Known

Tell me, oh Observer, Or need you not, As I have known! Have I wasted my years on useless words? Because sometimes I feel I am losing the magic touch, Because sometimes I feel you are closing us away Have I been too frivolous, too much of a child? I beseech you, see me through! For here is some truth, Seeker I had no time to be a child I had no chance to be wild My brothers and sisters thrashed and squirmed They were self-indulgent, and heartily reckless I learned from them, To mediate To close it away Disintegrate To lose myself in quiet leadership Until now, until comfort crossed my threshold, I had no means of crawling I had solid food I could barely swallow And the dirt was forced down my throat I was bloated in the filth In the probing of these children I was made open, and raw I was made pleasured, and confused Tell me, oh Observer, Or need you not, As I have known! Have you now turned away from me, When I have finally found this inner child? Because I am craving your eyes upon me again I am craving the way your soul stirs within Have I driven you away? Are my clouds not enough gray? I implore you, see me through! The thunder pounds into me Their hands hold me down I am writhing in the grip of adulthood I am blinded in the sea of doubt Receiver, my love, my friend Tell me this— Have I never known? Will I yet shimmer amongst the grime? I want to discover what you have longed of me I want you to believe in me And from this prison, I want to be free…