Around the World In Eighty Days

His German relations would turn in their graves This great gnome abduction is causing shock waves, It reads like the spy who came in from the cold They've held him to ransom and broken the mould. The world's now his oyster from Heathrow he flew To sample the good life and drink in the view, While stood in the gutter he eyes up the stars Then drowns in the cocktails and drinks in the bars Seville brings a bullfight his seat is secured He's visiting places no gnome could afford, A short trip to France on this whistle stop tour The thing that a hostage is forced to endure. The Can-Can performance he couldn't believe An Eiffel of Paris is what he perceived, A fast train to Berlin his ancestral home The Frankfurter sausage and birthplace of gnomes. Old relatives waved from the Brandenburg gate The beer was delicious the weather was great, A long haul to Moscow he slept in a sack His beard was quite grimy the varnish was cracked. He paused by the Kremlin with shots to send home But suddenly felt that he wasn't alone, Both he and his escorts were marched to the plane And warned that they'd better not come back again. In China large warriors stood by his side Hand built in a kiln and then buried alive, He's third one across and two rows from the back With the rod and the boots and the beard and the hat. His essence they caught like a star on the screen As he stood on the wall in his tunic of green, He travelled for what seemed a year and a day To land in the lovely old U, S, of A. Arriving in Vegas he shone on the strip With a gaggle of girls and a mountain of chips, Was tied up by Teller, Penn looked so amused They made him an offer he couldn't refuse. With a glint in his eye and to Tellers delight Penn whispered a word and he varnished from sight, To arrive with a flash by his old garden gate Near his house that he left on his council estate. On the fridge fading pictures still clearly recall Adventures that may not have happened at all, I'd wager a bet that he'd still love to explore That gnome in the tunic asleep by the door.