Argh, I never got muffin top before why now

Argh, I ne'er got muffin top before - why now!? Once upon a time yours truly did allow himself to consume anything in sight eats of mine in the mein included an assortment of chow. Impossible firm me (read my bookish self a schlepping schlemiel, with schmaltz and chutzpah stationed at Highland Manor in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania) to compete with Adonis, no way no chance asthma gut busts over waistband of sweatpants, the choice couture, asper this poet, who kant's cease spewing regularly (quotidian) raves and rants years ago (another lifetime), I partook of contra dance (the most fun one can experience while being clothed) sing, (and most casual suitable place to find romance) plus burn calories matter of fact, a milieu to buff and enhance physique, while simultaneously kibitizing with great expanse of pleasant gals and guys one must not be afraid to prance, (albeit in accordance with a caller on stage, and maintain endurance) synonymous with aerobic exercise, and also women act flirtatiously coquettishly, and amorously glance sing and/or stealing a French fried kiss, yup dashing all the way out to France, yet returning just in time and adopting being proper, or improper instance all the while sustaining the energetic activity over expanse of a few hours (traditionally held on Thursday evenings) and for that block of time held in a trance, asper...analogous to spellbinding arrow or lance suspended part way thru flight, cuz all troubles temporarily melt away which venue mentioned, which small number of bucks one did pay to participate among mine weekly highpoint, where life liberty, and pursuit of happiness which place this then akin to a cray zee lee whirling dervish, did pine to spruced himself up, and ready to hay for four (analogous to two couples tracing a figure eight on the floor with their feet), thus sped without delay this bag of lovely bones hapt tubby more more trim, unlike less physically fit body of today and scant finances find me foregoing joyfully listening to musicians play and healthily exhausted with closing waltz, thence out tummy car, yours truly did sashay and promenade over the rainbow acquiring spouse worth more than fine spun gold, cuzI met me beloved spouse, (and biological mother of me now deux grown daughters) at Summit Presbyterian Church 6757 Greene Street, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19119 almost three decades ago, where we did precariously balance and swing and gypsy while tenuously tethered to a ladies chain.