Anymore

All these thoughts in my head I can't get them straight. This is the third time I've attempted Writing my thoughts out like this. Even speaking them aloud None of it comes easy. I find I always hit a wall, Past which I can't keep writing. Either I can't figure out the next line Or my thoughts begin to wander. I go from one topic to another And ultimately ruin my poem. I need a way to vent But nothing seems to work. After years and years Of opening up to pthers And them turning it on me. Spreading it like wildfire. Or just throwing it in my face, And shoving a dagger through my heart. All these years have trained me To shut myself away. To erect walls and masks. Barricades to keep from being hurt. I want to write my poetry. To be able to trust again. But i don't know how to ANYMORE!