Another Teenage Outburst

Here it goes again, can't handle this Though entirely used to it What more relief can writing bring? It all but drowns the rest all out And I'm sorry I couldn't be all the things I made you think I could But that left space for happier times I can no more afford All my friends will frown on me Pretend they understand What is love? What is trust? What is life without them and why does it seem it is already over? Of course I am a drama queen So block me out and push it back in It festers and stinks and the stench overpowers me Nobody is ready to listen or even try to comprehend what they do not wish to see This girl is less than perfect And there goes her less than perfect muse, already having forgotten her And that's the somebody she adores And this is her best friend And they all fit together and I'm not there Nor am I here I can't leave like this, back to the start, such an unbelievable waste And if I fall apart again just like I tend to do No friends No family Nobody to love It would be the last time at least But right now I'm stuck and there's no point to this planning as I won't be able to see it through Lying at home, crawling about, only to collapse once more And I read your words like pins and stitches Tightening, fraying, unable to be held together You don't know what to do and my mind is blazing You've never felt this way You'd do anything for him He made you The Happiest I Have Ever Been It all pours out. Furious and sickened, this queasiness just got worse I was a fool stupid what an idiot You're not even thinking about me anymore And you couldn't be more blatant For this I hate you, something I wanted to make you believe so you'd stop caring And like a mug you trusted me And so forgot me And this was all my plan and I helped it happen and I can't stand how it still isn't any easier Tumbled up the stairs Clawed my welcome door tight shut Couldn'tscreamcouldn'tsmilecouldn'tpretendnottofeel Like every few days since I dont know when A child of eighteen years I curled up on the scratching carpet And I wept.