Another Sleepless Night

I want change, something new. Maybe to be able to just close my eyes and drift off with positive thoughts that I would be able to wake up to. What must I question about myself? What type of changes to be made? Am I just a lost soul on a cold path, taking strides walking barefooted on broken pieces of my heart trying to reach the end of something? It’s a long road. So I just shrug and shake it off and continue my journey with dreams of flying away for a new beginning. New types of songs to sing, then once again I realized I can’t fly with broken wings. Tears followed with laughter. I really hate not being perfect and if perfection comes in time, when can I have it? If it’s meant to be, will or can I be a Saint? I’m over thinking this process. Lost hope just doesn’t carry the faith of my dreams. I’m not a dreamer, I attempt to rely on reality based facts. Like the vision in the mirror looking back at me. Same eyes and mouth, the image in the mirror thoughts are the same only in reverse, maybe positive on the other side. I’m not a dreamer. Others who dream, sleep. I’m borrowing time like a bad loan, interest to high and it’s going to take a life time to clear this mess up and my energy is wasted on my guilt to build something that doesn’t exist. My life as a contractor to destroy and rebuild has broken me down also. Where do I go? Yes I’m confused. Searched for answers within myself and still have feelings of being lost. So it’s another Sleepless night staring at the ceiling with these thoughts, and there are still just thoughts without answers.