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An Unsent Letter

I am writing the words I do not have the courage to say out loud
I need to ask you for something, something I don't want
I don't want you to bring home junk food, please don't bake so much either

I know this is your love, giving me what you lacked, growing up poor
No birthday celebration, no Christmas candy, but you are drowning me
Chaining me in a dungeon of dessert, holding me captive in a castle of cake

And I can not say no, can not refuse your love, for I can not bear
The broken look in your eyes, but you are filling me with shame
Of my own flesh, the smug superior judgement of my peers
The embarrassment of the plus-size section.

You are weighing me down with stones of sugar, and I know
For you they are comfort, they are care

But for me they are obstacles
And all they do is slow me down.

8/13/18

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Anil Deo

Date: 8/14/2018 1:24:00 PM

Michelle, thanks so much for sending the SUNSENT LETTER. Maureen, Caren, Gershon ... received your letter in the best way. There is one more approach: to love our bodies because of the life-force. Any body alive is better than the best body, dead. Do all U need to, & if nothing changes on the outside, perhaps inner acceptance will open new doors (or offer a skeleton key, pun intented). shalom, shalom. We r precious as LIFE

Michelle Faulkner
Date: 8/15/2018 3:03:00 PM

Funny, at first I thought you meant a 'Sunset Letter' but then I saw it was 'unsent' (I may use "Sunset Letter" for a future poem) but thank you for all your encouraging words!

Gershon Wolf

Date: 8/14/2018 10:07:00 AM

I second Maureen's words … and just add that I'm with you 100,000% here. I could NEVER bring myself to ask my wife to slow down in the kitchen a bit. It's her pride and joy, every utensil an instrument of her deepest love and caring. I simply need to say Thank you. And I do! ~ gw

Michelle Faulkner
Date: 8/15/2018 3:04:00 PM

You are lucky your wife is a good cook, I'm only so-so; actually my husband is a great baker and great at bar-b-q too!

Caren Krutsinger

Date: 8/13/2018 10:50:00 PM

I have so many solid feelings about this poem. I think it would be a wonderful service to give this to the feeders of the world, who consistently feed their pain, and believe they are helping their young.

Michelle Faulkner
Date: 8/15/2018 3:06:00 PM

Thank you, Caren, always glad for your comments!