An Ode To the Fullness of My Belly

sweet decadent belly how ever will you forgive me i didn’t know couldn’t know how to love you i didn’t see that you were more than a belly you were an entire person an easy breezy lover girl committed to the pursuit of all things joyful i used to joke that you were bottomless an “animal” of your own what a gift that was you let me live in faraway lands and graciously indulge in local delicacies what an honor it was to be held tall by you to bask in your beauty you captured hearts of all kinds everyone wanted part of the whole hearted embrace of life you offered even if just for one night i must now admit with a heavy heart it took sharp hip bones jutting out to lengths they never should be seen for me to set the record straight i needed seasons of too much nausea to stand let alone eat for me to learn to beg for your forgiveness my stomach now boasts the flatness I’d always been urged to dream of and I spend my days split between my bed and survival friends exclaim “wow you look so skinny!” men praise the unnatural concaveness of you saying things like “maybe you weren’t played such a bad hand after all” as if whether my body has value should be up for debate like a certain quantity of fat cells reflects a quality of life and I can’t blame them for not seeing because neither did I they don’t see the poison we’ve been spoon-fed to categorize a healthy body as “too much” and a starving one as the ultimate prize they do not see that this body takes dozens of pills a day to sit upright in it live tsunamis of fear, pain, isolation while my old self was free and buoyant while I cant change the view from where they stand (and I stood) i can remember your brilliance and vow if we're ever lucky enough to be reunited i will honor you for what you truly are: a home