Get Your Premium Membership

Alpinist

I can feel the frigid air bite my lungs as my shallow breaths try in vain to soothe and stop the burning pain. Each struggling footfall could be my last, yet the mountain taunts me to keep onward. The snow has consumed my crampon booted feet with numbness as trembling loins beg my brain for rest. Heartbeats match the pounding in my head. I just can’t stop now when so near the summit. Blinding snow begins to fall as I leave my two closest friends behind on the promontory. They plead with me to turn back with them. All sensibilities have vanished into the whiteness. “As I feel the snow fly, I will conquer or die”. Let these words be my epitaph I call to them, should the mountain claim my sorry soul. August 10, 2014 For Charlotte Puddifoot's Dark Poetry Contest

Copyright © | Year Posted 2014




Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 8/20/2014 11:11:00 AM
Yes, a regular life's quest. Your mountain is a wonderful metaphor. Cezanne was obsessed with it Love, Dave
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/20/2014 6:41:00 PM
It returned him to his youthful days when he used to climb. I think that is why. Thank you Dave. Hugs, Connie
Date: 8/20/2014 3:01:00 AM
The imagery was so vivid that I felt like I was right there with you the entire way!.... I love the feeling of determination, strength and inspiration within this poem. A terrific write, Connie!
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/20/2014 6:44:00 PM
Thank you very much Kelly. I had my doubts in posting it fearing it was not good enough. I think the more I write, the more judgmental I become of my own work, especially surrounded by the talented members at Soup. Mahalo, Connie
Date: 8/20/2014 1:13:00 AM
Hi Connie, I wish you a very speedy recovery and hope you are doing much better, my friend. Congratulations on a great win! I thoroughly enjoyed this "dark piece" - excellent write! Hugs, Pandita!
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/20/2014 6:45:00 PM
Thank you so much Pandita. I am healing nicely. At least I have a little time to read poetry now. Blessings, Connie
Date: 8/20/2014 12:56:00 AM
Beautiful write! Congratulations on a well-deserved win! Regards, Kika
Login to Reply
Date: 8/19/2014 8:14:00 AM
Hi Connie! I have returned from holiday and heard of your broken foot; hope you are not in too much pain and that it will soon heal.// Enjoyed this lovely poem; snowy mountains make for a great write; also congrats on another fine win. Take care. // paul
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/19/2014 8:43:00 AM
Thank you very much Paul. I am three weeks in and coming along fine. I hope to be walking in three more weeks.
Date: 8/19/2014 7:20:00 AM
Emotive and expressive work that you have penned in this one..I felt like I was there..Enjoyed reading this one today..Thanks for the visit to my page..Sara
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/19/2014 8:44:00 AM
Thank you Sara. I hate missing poems but there are just so many here to read. I can't keep up. I always enjoy your work.
Date: 8/17/2014 1:38:00 AM
Also, thank you so much for your very inspiring words... somehow, the idea of writing something dark just grabbed me.... and it has been a bit long since I wrote a lengthy poem, so I was challenged with that. Again, thank you for believing so much in me, that means a lot! <3
Login to Reply
Date: 8/16/2014 11:13:00 AM
I have never experienced mountain climbing, but you sure brought me there with you, Connie! I can imagine how that must be-- and I think you did it so vividly and effectively with this, chilling in its own right-- I love how you even put in an epitaph-- that was definitely a beautiful line! Congrats on your win!
Login to Reply
k. Avatar
kabuteng P.iNk k.
Date: 8/17/2014 1:36:00 AM
I think that you did a wonderful job, and it was such a unique take on the contest-- somehow I was also reminded somewhat of that movie, was it "Alive"? Of a sports team crashing on a snowy mountain. I am so glad to know you are all safe-- stay safe and God bless!
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/16/2014 4:27:00 PM
Thank you so much Nikko. It is difficult for me to write dark poetry and I thought this poem would go nowhere, so I was pleasantly surprised. Hope you are well and your weather is holding up this summer. The hurricane did damage to our Big Island of Hawaii but our island of Oahu just endured a tropical storm gratefully. Blessings, Connie
Date: 8/16/2014 1:34:00 AM
Congrats on ur winning awesome write Connie!
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/16/2014 4:29:00 PM
Thank you Dr. Upma. I have been dealing with a broken foot, and it has held up my internet exchanges. Blessings, Connie
Date: 8/15/2014 11:09:00 PM
connie, I am glad to see your efforts with this poem pay off for you. VERY nice to be with you on the winners' list. You really deserved it. And I loved the irony of the dark poem being in the brightness of snow. Congratulations.
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/16/2014 4:30:00 PM
Thank you Andrea. Soup mail....
Date: 8/15/2014 8:50:00 PM
Congrats Connie...Linda
Login to Reply
Date: 8/15/2014 1:47:00 PM
Connie, a chilling write on a chilly subject, so well written; enjoyed reading it very much today. Congratulations on your win.
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/16/2014 6:35:00 PM
Thank you very much Faye.
Date: 8/15/2014 6:50:00 AM
this is a different take on the theme, connie, and I liked that juxtaposition of the white snow/dark theme; your emphasis was indeed on the unsettling rather than the outright scary, very atmospheric, and it makes me think of those true stories where mountaineers eerily just vanish and freeze to death...congrats on your win in my contest! :)
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/16/2014 12:25:00 PM
Thank you so much for including my poem in your winner's list and for understanding what I was trying to convey in this poem. I hesitated entering it because I felt it just didn't measure up. I feel honered because I am such a fan of your talented poetry. Mahalo, Connie
Date: 8/15/2014 6:01:00 AM
What I really like is the uplifting end of the poem, Congrats. Connie
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/16/2014 5:14:00 PM
I see you look upon death as uplifting? A bit of a puzzle Dr. Ram. However many do. Thank you for commenting.
Date: 8/14/2014 11:33:00 AM
Oh this is so uplifting, (pun intended)... you paint the most vivid of pictures in your poetry Connie,,,,awesome is this
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/16/2014 6:37:00 PM
Thank you Harry. I don't do too well at writing dark poetry. I had to try. Blessings, Connie
Date: 8/11/2014 8:16:00 PM
Wow Connie...what an ending to a marvelous poem...conquer or die....wonderful...hugs Tim
Login to Reply
Date: 8/11/2014 5:52:00 PM
wow, that was a GREAT epitaph you came up with. Is it one you invented, Connie? That was so cool. You sure had quite an imagination to think this one up. GOOD job!! You set the tone and made a snowy world become dark!! (and you escaped that storm!!! wow, scary)
Login to Reply
Marcum Wong Avatar
Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/11/2014 6:42:00 PM
Thanks Andrea. I have watched mountain climbers risk their lives just to attain reaching the summit. I really couldnt think of a dark poem other than to write about how so many die in avalaches or freeze because their common sense leaves them. Of course I came up with the epitaph. I know that is how strongly some feel about reaching their goal.
Date: 8/11/2014 5:52:00 PM
well, not the storm but it becoming a hurricane. that would be horrible.
Login to Reply