Almost Free

I grew up in a garden paradise large white house in the country sheltered by ancient oaks and naievity passed idyllic days in childhood bliss never ran it much through my mind before until the day I walked two hours with my life packed up on my back set out on a sunny autumn morning running on a four days empty belly, and some strong black coffee met a tall, thin man along the way asked me if I could play the bass slung over my back I replied yes and he gave me his number Three quarters of the way there the baby's stroller gave one last groan of protest and buckled under the weight of the bags hung on the handle spilling everything onto the street "These things can be kind of tricky," said the young man who helped me scoop everything up, explaining how it used to happen when he pushed around his younger siblings. "See you around sometime," he offered up Later we arrived,checked in at the front desk no one else knew we were at the shelter days here are passed aimlessly in sedated daydreaming nights are spent shivering with cold and exhaustion I can no longer count the number of times I've been broken before (I try not to think about it) and pieced back together, but never quite the same, I could tell you how the closet floor smells like mildew when soaked through repeatedly with tears, or describe the way his black eyes bulge in anger, describe how every little fleck and bubble gathers at the corners when his mouth froths white with hate, and the vilest obscenities, and how after a while you start to ask yourself if they're true Armed with all the pamphlets from the front office I was gonna do all the right things they say it takes about five tries before you're successful but what do you tell to the child who says, "Daddy bad, daddy gone?" I almost made it this time, and then He dropped by, told me to pack up my stuff, we took the bus home past the place where the young man helped me gather up my life off the road past the spot where the tall, thin man gave me hope and his number - The baby was excited about his first ride I'm back in the same old spot again, little has changed but time and knowing that once, just once, I almost made it ...now I watch the birds out my kitchen window close my eyes and ... I'm almost free