All Over Again

Ive never realized How much i can miss someone I didn’t even have in the first place How agonizing the pain could be Cutting you so deep But no one can see the scars They are not visible to them behind my faux smiles I let myself believe The illusion that you actually cared That you were a positive presence That you liked being my parent I cant even blame you for me being naive You never portrayed the lies I tried so hard to believe And she kept enabling it Trying so hard to make me Feel like less of the problem She tried so hard to fill the void You were digging in my soul Never said a bad thing about you Acted like your biggest fan Even when you wore her down She never showed She held her head high Reassured me it wasn’t my fault It broke her when i witnessed your shortcomings ‘It will end soon’ she promised It didn't take much at all For you to leave You blamed me for it all Said i was too difficult Ask for too much Always too loud ‘I can change’ my desperate pleas fell on deaf ears You didn’t even hesitate At the sound of you crushing my soul You left me at the driveway Bleeding from the wounds you caused Blood was all I could see You left me there in disarray Trying to comprehend why you hate me so much I thought for sure you’ll show again A couple days maybe The days turned to weeks Weeks turned to months Pain turned to anger You choose this You chose to stay for as long as you did You chose to leave You chose to hurt me Where did you get the entitlement To be mad After all you did All the hurt you caused You shattered every piece of me And walked away Left me bleeding on the sidewalk She helped me up Helped get me clean And mended my damage Just for you to pick out a dagger And do it all over again You’ll love me forever Thats what you kept promising In the same breath you expressed to me The burdens of your life But all you did was recount mine Why cant i stop loving you Why cant i just forget You were ever here Why cant i move on Why cant i block you out Why do you hurt me like this Why dont you just leave Why wont you stop taunting me Why cant you understand I’m hurting It would be so much easier if i just hated you Instead of myself Maybe one day when you realize the hurt you cause us Maybe then you’ll stop But i would have bled out by then