Able To Breath

My heart hurts renewing old scars into my soul the pain inserts past inflictions putting up bars i need to breath but the pain is strong its making it hard to see and messes up my sense of right and wrong making me scared hurting my heart im sitting here practically impared drunk off these emotions that never really did depart im shaking biteing my nails scared ill start breaking pain lashing me like the cat-o-nine-tails crumbled to dust afraid that these feelings to him are just lust my heart is a faint flutter beating wildely in the cavern of my chest my heart is falling into the gutter an old realm of darkness scared of his feelings for me scared that their naught scared that this love is just me that it isnt us terrified that ill mess up screw up my lay-up and lose the ball get lost stumbeling down long halls does he hear the flutters like a light not sure if its to go out the way my heart mutters when ever hes about if i mess up and lose my all after i take that fall if im feeling more than he and he finds out and gets scared of all we could be if i continue to be scared and im with those words im never prepaired if i lose the chance to speak because he was waiting on me if i dont stop rambeling on scared like a little fawn what will i become will it be my fault that i lose my all? my heart beat slows when hes around but when hes not it drops to the ground flopping like a fish out of the sea not able to really breath