A Wrapper's Night Before Christmas
(a rhyme revision in stanza 9 in case the sponsor already read this.)
'Twas the night before Christmas. My shopping was done.
But gifts needed wrapping, and THAT’S never fun!
Huge piles of gifts lay strewn everywhere.
They lay on the counter, the sofa and chair.
I needed to organize every huge pile.
I thought it would take me but a short while.
Instead it was taking an hour or more
arranging the piles in groups on the floor.
One pile for one grandkid, one pile for another.
Two granddaughters down. Now the gifts for their brother.
One pile for my daughter, and one for her spouse.
He hates things I buy him. I mutter, “That louse.”
My son-in-law’s finicky and rarely pleased.
I think only money could make him appeased.
He’s vegan, so always I buy fruits and nuts.
I laugh to imagine him getting cold cuts.
I’m sure if he saw meats or cheese, he would scowl.
And if he saw candies, he might even growl.
Raw almonds, pistachios; what else for him?
Oh, my, finding gifts for that man is so grim.
My daughter is easy. She’s so much like me,
I choose for her things I like that I see
at Walmart or Target since big bucks I lack.
Receipts I must save lest their gifts they take back.
At last there’s my husband, whose gifts are the same
as I give every Christmas, but I’m not to blame.
That Grinch couldn’t care less. What can I say?
He’s not even eager to see Christmas Day.
T-shirts I give him with some funny tip
like “Be naughty please. Save Santa a trip.”
He loves bubble bath, so I buy lots of those,
cookies and underwear down to his toes.
Six to eight gifts I wrapped for each grandchild,
hoping at least one would make the kids wild.
Gift cards for movies I gave to them all,
but NOT cards for movies that play at the mall.
I made the mistake last Christmas of buying
the wrong movie gift cards. My daughter was sighing,
“Mom, please remember. It’s not Cinemark
with Five Dollar Tuesdays,” she said, being a snark.
It seemed I’d been wrapping the presents all night.
I looked at the clock and had a big fright.
By the time that I finished, it was 3 a.m.
I did less in hours than Santa Claus can!
My arms were so tired from all of the wrapping.
My back hurt like hell. My legs I was slapping
to get out the cramps that were starting to come.
Postponing gift wrapping is so very dumb.
Well, this year is different. The kids nowadays -
they want only money. A new day I praise.
Some gift cards, large bills, a few stocking stuffers.
A good Christmas Eve sleep, and nobody suffers.
(slight exaggeration of a Christmas night from a few years ago. Now I mainly do gift cards!)
Nov. 29, 2022
For Joseph May's The Night Before 3 Poetry Contest
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