When a woman I yearned for would not return my emotion,
I consulted a witch for a magic love potion.
She said there was an elixir that would suit my request,
Time-consuming to make, but was by far the best.
It had the eye of a newt, a fang of a bat,
The right foot of a toad, the left wing of a gnat,
The screech of an owl, and the yowl of a cat
Mixed up in a vat o'er her magical fire,
In a potion for riches or heart's desire.
This foul loathsome brew must simmer and stew
For a whole week, at least, or more preferably, two,
Until it boiled down to a thick noxious roue.
And don't try to rush it, the old crone did tell,
The longer it cooked, the stronger the spell.
When it's finally ready, to climax the plot,
She'd write down a name, drop it into the pot,
Along with nail clippings, eyelashes, some hair,
Without which a witch can't enchant or ensnare,
Then she'd text me and bid me to come to her lair.
When I got there, of course, she asked to see some ID
To make certain the name on the contract was me.
Then I paid her the sum upon which we'd agreed,
And with one quick, deft motion she dipped out the potion,
And with vile vial in hand now my plan could proceed.
But just as I turned to head for the door,
I started sensing sensations I had not sensed before.
I seemed to be rooted, affixed to the spot,
Then she said mine was the name she'd dropped into the pot.
In miserable silence I gaped in surprise
As the harridan transformed before my very eyes.
Where there was an old hag, all wrinkled and warty,
Stood the girl of my dreams, not a day over forty.
As she swiveled her hips and leered lewdly at me,
I peered into the depths of her depravity.
I hopped on my left foot, and flapped my right arm,
Then I hooted quite loudly, and yelped in alarm
As the babe disappeared in a big puff of smoke,
And reappeared the crone cackling at her hideous joke.
Then the foul fiend shuffled forward and hissed into my ear,
"Now it's time to get better acquainted, my dear.
I've been waiting a long time for someone like you.
I hoped he'd be better looking, but you'll just have to do."
In horror I watched as she slowly undressed…
Well, I'll leave it at that, you can fill in the rest.
So, let this tale be a lesson the next time you get vexed
And before hiring someone to conjure a hex
For procuring a new love, or abjuring an ex,
Don't solicit a witch for a magical brew
When some chocolates, or roses…
Or a restraining order will do.
Copyright © Jim Slaughter | Year Posted 2022