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But when a person commits suicide, he does not do violence only to himself; he inflicts death upon those whom he least considered would be so afflicted Picture Quote #1

My mother died when I was fifteen months old plus about  two weeks more..I was told different things about her death..One person told me that she had been sick and took the wrong medicine, one person told me she committed suicide, and one person told me that she took the wrong medicine because she couldn't read..My adoptive parents never told me what they knew..I tried to get a death certificate once after my adoptive parents were so old that they were in the nursing home and I could not get one.I went on ancestry.com and through them I got the certificate at a high cost monetarily..The reason that I could not get a certificate before was that I did not know her full name...I have had to deal with this at my age now because I did not know for sure before and I felt that I really needed to know..I have worked through it but I still have those feelings of insecurity which comes with the territory of my particular circumstances..

No one speak of her again Unless in tones hushed, "Later we will talk" "Shhh! Don't let the child know how her mother died." She's too young to understand Is self-destruction inherited? Does it float around the genes? Is security destroyed when one fine day The lady disappears? Gone~never caress again With loving arms wrapped around her child fifteen-months old. The plateau has been reached Opened faced look into the mirror Her death certificate states Death by suicide Ingestion of mercury cyanide A child now weeps, grieves for the mother Looks into the mirror and sees Cotton hair, wrinkles deeply creased Aware of how life's insecurities dwelt Buried with the words~ no one speak of her again Baby cries momma, momma time after time She does not come No matter how hungry, tired, cold, wet On the outside nor how much pain Cutting deep within until trust, security is destroyed Inspired by Cyndi MacMillan's contest "Own It" Written: April 21, 2016

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




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Date: 8/15/2016 11:11:00 AM
deeply moved by your words..i can relate...
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Sara Kendrick
Date: 8/16/2016 7:22:00 AM
Wanda, Thanks for the visit to my page..I am glad that someone felt what I needed to put on the page..Sara
Date: 5/5/2016 1:07:00 PM
This is is fine piece with soul-reaching quality. I love this so much
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Sara Kendrick
Date: 5/5/2016 5:01:00 PM
Thank you for reading and taking time to give a kind review.I appreciate your continued support of my work..Sara
Date: 4/26/2016 5:42:00 PM
wow, a VERY Strong piece, Sara. Very emotive and showing the pain of such an experience. Well done.
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Sara Kendrick
Date: 4/26/2016 5:51:00 PM
Thanks for the visit to my page..I appreciate that you felt the pain with me..It was hard to write but every time I do something like write about it helps with the healing process..Sara
Date: 4/23/2016 9:10:00 AM
You faced a lot at very little age.,Sara...I don't know what to say now....Things like these afflict you all through your life....Only thing we all can do is try and help people afflicted by the similar trauma....Life is tough sometimes and for some people....I don't know you personally....However your problems have made you kinder and stronger....We can't erase memories completely...But hope they won't haunt you in future....I know you will deal with them stronger you being such strong lady.
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Date: 4/22/2016 9:26:00 AM
what a sad poem! am sure God will grant you the comfort eternally.
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Sara Kendrick
Date: 4/22/2016 2:32:00 PM
Thanks for the visit to my page..God has sustained me when I was unable to do anything for myself..Sara
Date: 4/21/2016 9:00:00 PM
Sara, I read this and it was raining in my heart! God has kept you cupped in HIS hands and for you to share this, HE holds you even closer! Bless you Sara!
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Sara Kendrick
Date: 4/22/2016 2:31:00 PM
Thanks for the visit to my page..Yes, God has cared for me at times even when I did not know that he cared..Many times I have been saved by my Guardian Angel when I did not even know that I had one..Sara
Date: 4/21/2016 5:38:00 PM
What a sad poem, and a true one as well...she would be so proud i'm sure of the daughter left behind.....
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Sara Kendrick
Date: 4/22/2016 6:22:00 AM
Harry, Thanks for stopping by..Yes, truth about life can be very sad sometimes but we were never promised a rose garden..What I experienced in life is nothing compared to what many others experienced..My older siblings probably knew about her sadness before the suicide more than I did..I don't remember any of it just remember what was told to me from time to time..I did carry with me the fact that suicide was a possible way out of life which is not good for anyone to carry around..Sara
Date: 4/21/2016 5:29:00 PM
A heartbreaking situation Sara - so much tragedy in your life from such a tender age and now you are able to find the real truth regarding your mother's passing. I hope you have some sort of closure now:-) hugs Jan xx
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Sara Kendrick
Date: 4/21/2016 5:36:00 PM
Yes, I do have closure..I think that she lived in hell on earth which is sad..I wished that they could have gotten help for her but back then it probably would have been removal from the home to an institution so that would not have been any better..Sara
Date: 4/21/2016 5:27:00 PM
You DID need to know, Sara, and I'm glad you finally got the truth about the cause of your mother's death. But dear one, you are not to blame for what she did, and although I'm sorry for the years of your insecurity, you now have a measure of closure. Besides, from what I know of you, you turned out to be quite a kind and loving lady.
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Sara Kendrick
Date: 4/21/2016 5:34:00 PM
Thanks for dropping by with encouraging words..Yes, I know that I am not to blame..I was too young to feel blame but insecurities and being able to trust were what became damaged from her death, being removed from the home and placed with strangers..It is a deep, deep in the subconscious and effects all my life..I have over the years worked through much of it but some still lingers..Sara

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