A Changed Dictionary - For Kate

Maybe I have a problem my world seems empty without you here maybe there’s something wrong I shouldn’t feel so lost so easily could be I’m too dependent I used to be self reliant and never felt this kind of as lonely You see I had this empty place deep down inside it was part of me I knew it had your face but I kept you there under lock and key keep all those feelings at bay and my isolation was the best way of dealing with being me Maybe I spent too long in my seclusion being myself without you is living in this moment the same as the past without you perhaps that’s part of the problem I used to know how I was so self-contained and independent but you are everything to me now You see I feel your presence I feel your hand holding mine the warmth of your legs as they rest on mine I look out of my window but I can only see your eyes some part of me is holding walking together side by side some part of me is missing you’re no longer under my lock and key alone was a comfort I used to be and my detachment was the way I knew of dealing with being me without you Maybe love is the problem relative or subjective it seems to be the thing which defines them both really I should be happy an answer to a prayer when you returned but now everything writes a different story perhaps that’s part of the problem brand new words in a changed dictionary but I wrote the same lines habitually Could be I’m too dependent I used to be free I used to know how I was so independent but you are everything to me now how do I let this go if loving you is all I know I need to be more of mine but together with you all the time How can I take care of you when you’re so far away from me tell myself there nothing I can do and I shouldn’t feel so lost so easily I never felt this kind of as lonely as I try to find new words in a changed dictionary and find another way to be with you as part of me constantly there’s no empty place to put you you’re no longer under my lock and key