An Older Woman Pays Her Dues

The truculent night opened its ears and eyes to acknowledge the fervor of the melee raging in her brain She woke up with ringing in her ears was it tinnitus or a heart attack? She didn’t know, but it worried her Living day after day with a paraplegic for ten long years Ten long miserable years with no respite Was a curse nobody should have to endure Nobody! When young, she married him not knowing their fate but promised him her forever in sickness and in health she married him because she loved him and after 54 years she could not leave him She wasn’t so sure she needed him anymore he was old and decrepit, not the man he used to be, But then she mused, who has survived intact and virginal for 55 years not I she laughed Remembering their past years when she was laid up and couldn’t get up from bed He was there for her He had been so sweet then, But now he was too demanding and drove her bat crazy If he didn’t improve she wouldn’t be able handle it and would surely have to leave Or worse put him in a convalescent home; but she felt if she didn’t leave she would go ape Horrible feelings, Sad, but that’s how she felt She didn’t leave him though holding idle thoughts to herself and continued to put up with his maddening demeanor He remained alive long enough to say goodbye, said he dreamed he had a very important date with his Maker And at the end of the anniversary celebration dinner his premonition came true She buried him among much sorrow, and after a few months of mourning Her son paid for a world cruise to distract her, he told her, and to begin looking for a second life Looking back she realized her exhaustion had not been as devastating as she had made out Because now, after a long rest, it seemed she had all the energy she needed even entertaining a portly Mexican gentleman, who she said was oversexed And a well-heeled, but staid English Gentleman, who wasn’t, But had fallen for her He proposed, but did she accept? or did she keep her promise to herself To stay away from permanent commitments and old geezers; whether she kept her promise or not is a story for another time, But in the continuing saga of this older human female who is grieving, but is very much aware her life spirit is strong And knows there's much love in her still with more life to live, isn't getting another mate preferable to courting loneliness and dying alone?