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The truculent night opened its ears and eyes
to acknowledge the fervor of the melee raging in her brain

She woke up with ringing in her ears
was it tinnitus or a heart attack?

She didn’t know, 
but it worried her

Living day after day with a paraplegic
for ten long years

Ten long miserable years 
with no respite

Was a curse nobody should have to endure
Nobody!

When young, she married him not knowing their fate 
but promised him her forever in sickness and in health

she married him because she loved him    
and after 54 years she could not leave him

She wasn’t so sure she needed him anymore
he was old and decrepit, not the man he used to be,

But then she mused, who has survived intact and virginal for 55 years 
not I she laughed 

Remembering their past years
when she was laid up and couldn’t get up from bed

He was there for her
He had been so sweet then,

But now he was too demanding
and drove her bat  crazy

If he didn’t improve 
she wouldn’t be able handle it and would surely have to leave

Or worse put him in a convalescent home; 
but she felt if she didn’t leave she would go ape 

Horrible feelings,
Sad, but that’s how she felt

She didn’t leave him though holding idle thoughts to herself 
and continued to put up with his maddening demeanor

He remained alive long enough to say goodbye,
said he dreamed he had a very important date with his Maker

And at the end of the anniversary celebration dinner
his premonition came true

She buried him among much sorrow,
and after a few months of mourning 

Her son paid for a world cruise to distract her, he told her,
and to begin looking for a second life

Looking back she realized
her exhaustion had not been as devastating as she had made out

Because now, after a long rest, it seemed she had all the energy she needed
even entertaining a portly Mexican gentleman, who she said was oversexed

And a well-heeled, but staid English Gentleman, who wasn’t,
But had fallen for her

He proposed, but did she accept?
or did she keep her promise to herself

To stay away from permanent commitments and old geezers;
whether she kept her promise or not is a story for another time,

But in the continuing saga of this older human female
who is grieving, but is very much aware her life spirit is strong 

And knows there's much love in her still with more life to live, isn't
getting another mate preferable to courting loneliness and dying alone?
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