2016's Trauma: Living with a Narcissist Part 1

I spoke to the universe and calmly said That I wanted a marriage. I wanted to wed So I was sent to Johannesburg and into a monster's bed Where God taught me a lesson of life instead I learned how to respond instead of react I learned how to walk away when he couldn't interact With respect I learned to forgive but not to forget I learned to be silent when futility appeared And that his violence was rooted in how he was reared I learned how to have hope and when to give up I learned to let go when futility had struck I learned how to survive when his abuse took control I learned to be resilient and how to heal my soul I learned how to be patient and less naive And how to view his childhood and to positively perceive That he was broken inside. I learned to understand I could not fix his problems nor offer a helping hand He was a prisoner of his mind trapped in the rearing of his childhood During marital difficulties, his coping skills were no good He resembled a monster during the day and night Always making sure he won every fight Because he always focused on being right He won every battle but lost the war Because I could no longer inhale toxic masculinity anymore I chose to allow my hurt to be released I walked away to honour my peace I wanted a marriage. I wanted to wed. I found myself laying in a narcissist's bed. A traumatic lesson I learned in my life To walk away after being a good wife What ever I did was never good enough Unappreciative of me. His chaos was too much He never was my home. He was just a passerby God made it easy for me to say goodbye By isolating me in a city where I felt down and low. Preparing me for my next chapter by making me grow It was all part of God's plan For me to grow first before meeting the right man For me to be naive first before being wise To fall first and then rise Experience failure before the success Go through adversity first before being blessed. I traveled back home to start over again To work through my trauma and heal from my pain