If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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Steven has a role in one of the spots for that campaign. His participation in the Interns spots is reduced. We are looking at alternatives for marketing strategy and that is what the Interns campaign represents, ... We are always looking for ways to represent our brand value. We have an ongoing relationship with Steven. Also, [the] 'Dude, you're getting a Dell' tag line will be sticking around -- it is in the Interns spots now.
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Curiousity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect
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You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, Wish you were here.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Funny
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep well?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' by Steven Wright
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If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
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Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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I hate it when my leg falls sleep in the middle of the day, because that means it'll be up all night
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Black holes are where God divided by zero
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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