In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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I'm a hero with coward's legs.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
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Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
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A man once asked to shake hands with me, the greatest Englishman who ever lived. I replied, F**k off, I'm Irish.
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Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.
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Do you know what I like about the Irish team ? They are the only team to who come off at the end of the game and ask 'Who won ?'.
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Do you know what I like about the Irish team ? They are the only team to who come off at the end of the game and ask "Who won ?".
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs
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