Love is a perky little elf dancing a merry little jig and then, suddenly, he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

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Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

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Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

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Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

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Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay' [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]

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Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

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Eat my shorts!

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Warning signs that lover is bored: 1. Passionless kisses 2. Frequent sighing 3. Moved, left no forwarding address.

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Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?

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Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.

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One of the things I would like to do is make up stories that I would have enjoyed when I was a kid. So, if I'm thinking about an audience, it's usually a younger version of myself.

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Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

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