Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit
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It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
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Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
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Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has travelled is the worst.
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A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
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Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others.
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Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
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A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
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Why doesn't the fellow who says, I'm no speechmaker let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?
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One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.
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Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.
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The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
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The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
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Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
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It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness poverty and wealth have both failed.
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Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
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It's the good loser who finally loses out.
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We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.
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Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
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My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.
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All the world loves a good loser.
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The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
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It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
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Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
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Making a long stay short is a great aid to popularity.
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It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.
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Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
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Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.
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The world gels better every day -- then worse again in the evening.
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When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.
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