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Famous Groucho Marx Quotations

Best famous Groucho Marx quotations. Find, read, and share the best famous quotations by Groucho Marx. These are the most popular quotations and best examples of quotes by Groucho Marx.

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Quote Left A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Quote Right
Quote Left Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. Quote Right
Quote Left Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. Quote Right
Quote Left No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. Quote Right
Quote Left Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Quote Right
Quote Left We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know. Quote Right
Quote Left Outside a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Quote Right
Quote Left I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Quote Right
Quote Left Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Quote Right
Quote Left You have the brain of a five-year-old child, and they must have been pleased to get rid of it. Quote Right
Quote Left I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. Quote Right
Quote Left Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read Quote Right
Quote Left From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Quote Right
Quote Left A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. Quote Right
Quote Left I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Quote Right
Quote Left I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right. Quote Right
Quote Left From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Quote Right
Quote Left Don't point that beard at me, it might go off. Quote Right
Quote Left I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Quote Right
Quote Left Anyone can get old, all you have to do is live long enough Quote Right
Quote Left Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife Quote Right
Quote Left All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. Quote Right
Quote Left I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. Quote Right
Quote Left Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. Quote Right
Quote Left She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Quote Right
Quote Left I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. Quote Right
Quote Left From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it Quote Right
Quote Left Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. Quote Right
Quote Left A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Quote Right
Quote Left I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. Quote Right
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