Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive. This is indeed disheartening, particularly when you
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Money...buys privacy, silence. The less money you have, the noisier it is; the thinner your walls, the closer your neighbors.... The first thing you notice when you step into the house or apartment of a rich person is how quiet it is.
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Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian.
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Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.
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Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or or not.
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.
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The controversial overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
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The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive-you are leaking.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable
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Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality
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If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract -- teach him to deduct.
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