Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart
'I drink, therefore I am'
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker
But a bugger when he's pissed
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Beans beans good for your heart, the more you eat the more you fart. the more you fart the better you feel, so eat your beans at every meal.
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Success is like a fart -- only your own smells nice.
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I fart your general direction...now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
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Here I sit broken-hearted, tried to shit but only farted
Later on I took a chance, tried to fart and shat in my pants!
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If you get any closer I'll fart!
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Man who fart in church, sit in his own pew.
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Your secretary will not enter your office until about 5 seconds after you fart.
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I fart in your general direction!
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The crybabies mental anguish is about as significant as an pine weasel fart in a forest with noone to hear it.
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I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.
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Being popular is like being in a crowded elevator: you are just a fart away from being hated.
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What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doen't fart when you pull out the meat!
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Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.
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Life is like a fart; you never know how long it's going to last or how bad its gonna stink
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Even hot girls have to fart.
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