Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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When I was growing up, all my friends wanted to have sex with anything that moved. Why limit yourself, I told them.
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I was walking down the street when this man hammering on his roof called me a paranoid little freak... In morse code.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.'
I said, 'You'll be sorry.'
He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?'
I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'
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My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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