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Famous Dave Barry Quotations

Best famous Dave Barry quotations. Find, read, and share the best famous quotations by Dave Barry. These are the most popular quotations and best examples of quotes by Dave Barry.

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Quote Left The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. Funny Quote Right
Quote Left The Internet: Transforming Society and Shaping the Future Through Chat Quote Right
Quote Left Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. Quote Right
Quote Left It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. Quote Right
Quote Left American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. Quote Right
Quote Left The longer you stay in the mall, the longer your children will have to listen to holiday songs on the mall public-address system, and many of these songs can damage children emotionally. For example: 'Frosty the Snowman' is about a snowman who befriends some children, plays with them until they learn to love him, then melts. Quote Right
Quote Left Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath. Quote Right
Quote Left Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. Quote Right
Quote Left Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Quote Right
Quote Left It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. Quote Right
Quote Left 'You scratch my back, and I'll suck blood out of yours' - that is the insect motto Quote Right
Quote Left Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. Quote Right
Quote Left Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. Quote Right
Quote Left Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Quote Right
Quote Left As long as humanity has been human, it has looked toward the heavens and dreamed that some day, some way, there would be giant federal contracts involved. Quote Right
Quote Left Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. Quote Right
Quote Left And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West. Quote Right
Quote Left 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. Quote Right
Quote Left I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. Quote Right
Quote Left In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps. Quote Right
Quote Left And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By 'they' I mean 'computers': I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.) Quote Right
Quote Left I find myself having these conversations where I go...ââ?¬Å?You know, the guy, in that place. The guy in the place with the thing, you know.ââ?¬Â And it becomes this game of charades. And then finally, we realize that I mean the Pope. Quote Right
Quote Left Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. Quote Right
Quote Left Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. Quote Right
Quote Left We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail. Quote Right
Quote Left You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Quote Right
Quote Left People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. Quote Right
Quote Left We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail Quote Right
Quote Left And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy business people Get Ahead by using their Macintosh computers to create the ultimate American business product: a really sharp-looking report. Quote Right
Quote Left Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. Quote Right