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4/20/2015 3:33:03 PM
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AM I THE ONLY TEEN ON POETRY SOUP?
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12.
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4/20/2015 3:53:37 PM
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crazy world
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I woke up tomorrow
And sat on my head
So I ate supper
Before I got out of bed
Stranger things happen
In this crazy world
I went through the bedroom door
And was outside in the spring
It was snowing when I went to sleep
So now I’m listening to the moon sing
Stranger things happen
In this crazy world
The sky was brown
And pink and purple striped
Shaped like a frown
And leaking through the roof
Stranger things happen
In this crazy world
I’m drowning in air
While frying the constellations
With a magnifying pear
And some red bloomers
Stranger things happen
n this crazy world
I’ll try to fix the mistake
By finding where I went wrong
Maybe it was the beet and chocolate cake
Or the stranger I met on Mars!
Stranger things happen
In this crazy world
I’m pacing on the ceiling
Dodging the lava lamps
Later I’ll visit the dungeon
On the escalator ramps
Stranger things happen
In this crazy world
I’ll wear my best hat on my feet
Maybe some mascara on my nails
And a blouse on my head
And a scarf of decorative entrails!
Stranger things happen
n this crazy world
I’ll have to climb up six million stairs
Just to get lower than this room
And avoid the rampaging parfait fairs
‘Cause they get in the way
Stranger things happen
In this crazy world
I might dye a kitten
Like you do Easter eggs
My prisoners would be smitten
with a multicolored feline
Stranger things happen
In this crazy world
I have plenty of mess to sort out
And about seventy aliens following me
And someone keeps offering a padded room
Which I kinda want to see
Stranger things happen
In this crazy world
They say I’m crazy and insane
But I say it’s just this messed up world
So now I’m locked up and in pain
For seeing stranger things happen (Like I said they would)
edited by Glory Winzer on 4/20/2015
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4/20/2015 5:00:15 PM
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Is there life on Mars?
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Science shows that Mars is not capable of sustaining life forms. Me, I think that if there was life on Mars, we scared it away and now its living in a different galaxy.
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4/21/2015 2:13:28 PM
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A question on book length...
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Some people do not have the patience to read a long book, especially one of poetry. I think that you should just make the book however long you think it should be and the people who are going to read it can just deal with the length. After all, you're the author. Your point of 150-275 is a good length for a book of poetry, though, I think.
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8/6/2015 9:48:45 AM
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Hypocricy
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Is it wrong to write poems that are not true? Poems that have nothing to do with the poet? Poems that are, in essence, lies to the ones who read them? See, I often write poems from emotions that I feel, about experiences that exist only in my mind, and I have had comments offering support, and I'm touched that people would do that, but the things haven't actually happened to me, so it's just kind of, I don't know. I am currently struggling with this, and would appreciate honest feedback. Feel free to yell at me for it, or whatever. I just need to know what you think.
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8/19/2015 4:58:52 PM
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First Ever Poem- Fruitless
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What are you trying to say here? The point, the story, of the poem is totally lost. Please explain more about what is going on.
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8/19/2015 5:18:02 PM
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Pretense - by Bob Atkinson
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Didn't come to read Poe and Frey. Had I wanted to read them, would have read them. Came to read YOUR poetry, and enjoyed 18 stoic faces.
The idea which you channel into the poem is excellent, unfortunately the delivery somewhat lacks. What form are you trying to use here? It seems to me you'd be better off either writing it in free verse, or making sure it rhymes consistently. Plus, your phrasing is off, and though there is a nice flow, you throw it off by tossing in a line that doesn't go with the meter. Other than technicalities, though, nicely done.
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8/25/2015 8:37:45 AM
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Pretense - by Bob Atkinson
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I need not read the same lines twenty times when three will suffice just fine. Words are words and they seldom change from heartbeat to heartbeat. Please, do not compare reading poetry to listening to a song. Listening to a song, you can hear the emotion of every syllable, understand the tone by the musical phrasing. But with poetry, unless it is written very well, you must listen much harder to feel the poem.
Eighteen Stoic faces brings many questions and I greatly dislike poems that leave you with too many questions about the poem. It leaves a dissatisfied feeling.
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8/25/2015 8:39:32 AM
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THE FEWLY APPRECIATED
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Hear, hear!!
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8/25/2015 8:40:49 AM
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Hypocricy
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Thank you.
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8/25/2015 8:56:59 AM
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Feel Free To Be BRUTAL On Any Part
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Lies
Sweet words slipped off your lips
Thoughtless promises and advice and praise
All the while, just meaningless, empty
They formed a picturesque maze
Unrelenting, they wove and trapped me
Endlessly the tumbled, a torrent without stays
Silently I stood, and stand, buckling, weakening, breaking...
Never did the tide stop
Even through trials, tears, triumph, they came
Virtue lost under the untruths, mistrusts
Entrancing, bespelling, the lies were a game
Reaching, whispering, begging to be said
Scintillating , you turned to me
Promising, encouraging, twisting me
Over the years you spun your web
Kind words, compliments, secrets, binding me
Each one planned, another twine I couldn't see
Tributes and trust, a game of words
Over and over and over, out of control
Mindlessly, you purposed, triumphed, unstable
You kept coming back to hurt me
Spinning into insanity, slipping from reality
Impossible to stop the crash course
Locked on, we both fought, entwined
Eternally, bound in the net of lies
Never giving, or forgiving, or letting go
Compromise, re-compensate, and start again
Each lie, each moment, our forever history
Time after time, you echo through my head
Over and over, the lies you always said
I thought you were dead
Feel free to be brutal on any of this poem, even if only one word bothered you.
edited by Glory Winzer on 8/25/2015
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8/25/2015 7:45:41 PM
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Pretense - by Bob Atkinson
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Yes, Atkinson. Song lyrics are often poetry in nature. I was attempting to state that hearing something sung in music is much different than reading it. In many ways music is more expressive than words can be.
Perhaps I shall check where you're coming from...
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5/6/2016 1:30:49 PM
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Honest Critique please.
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This is a good poem. It needs a bit of 'trim', might consider adjusting the rhythm of a few stanzas, especially the last one, but other then that, it is very good work.
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