You have an ad blocker! We understand, but...
PoetrySoup is a small privately owned website. Our means of support comes from advertising revenue. We want to keep PoetrySoup alive, make it better, and keep it free. Please support us by disabling your ad blocker
on PoetrySoup. See how to enable ads
while keeping your ad blocker active. Also, did you know you can become a PoetrySoup Lifetime Premium Member
and block ads forever...while getting many more great
features. Take a look!
all messages by user
1/11/2013 2:26:58 PM
Advice / Critique on Writing
How are you?! I hope you are all doing very well!
I am new to the forums here, so I am not really sure if this is in the best area. I was just wondering, if you have a few extra moments, would you mind taking a look at this short piece of writing? (The writing is located at the end of this post.) I wrote this after looking at various needs all throughout the world. I know this is not the best work at all, but I just wanted to hear your opinions. Does it come across too mean? Does it portray a negative, angry message? I sure hope it does not, as that is not my goal, but I just wanted to make sure. I want this piece to inspire, not degrade.
Thank you very much in advance for your tremendous help and assistance! Your advice truly, truly means the world to me! I am very thankful!
Thank you so much! Please, if you need any help with anything, feel free to let me know! May God bless you all on this amazing journey of life!
Here is the piece called "A Cry For Help":
(Sorry in advance for any trouble and for any mistakes in the writing. Thank you so much for your amazing help!)
Wealways hear there is a need. We hear about the world’s problems. We hear aboutthe pain, the agony, the grief felt by billions of hurting, strugglingindividuals in this world. We hear their stories. We hear their trials andtribulations and watch from a distant barbed-wire fence lined with people likeus, facing the other direction. We watch with one eye opened. One eye cares,but not enough to do something, and the other couldn’t care less. It seems asif we are entertained by their ruins, turning them into a real-life drama wewatch unfold. We hear their stories and we see their challenges. We care. Wecare, but we don’t care enough. We don’t care enough to take action. We don’tcare enough to actually do something to become a part of the solution. What ifwe are part of the problem? What if we are the problem?
… Butwhat if we did care enough? What if we actually took action to make a trueimpact and a true difference? We are in this modern-day mindset that “yourproblems are your own problems” and “what’s mine is mine.” We feel that we arenot obligated to help someone else because we are not connected to them in anyway. We don’t owe them anything.
Inreality, what if we are obligated to offer assistance? — Obligated in a goodway. We are all human. We are all brothers and sisters. So, naturally, wouldn’tyou help your brother or sister? Wouldn’t you want what is best for them? So,since the world is our sibling, shouldn’t we want what is best for him or heror them? Shouldn’t we help them?
Thebottom line is there is a need. People are hurting. People are screaming.People are in agony. People are in pain, and yet we just sit around and watch.We are blessed beyond measure. I am blessed beyond measure, yet there arecountless human beings who would give every single ounce of everything theyhave just to experience a moment of freedom. Yet, we do not care because wetake things for granted. I do not care because I take things for granted. Wetake for granted every little individual blessing that we do not even realizewe would be nothing without. We do not care about the world’s problems becausewe don’t physically interact with them every day. We are not exposed to theirdefying humiliation. Instead, we just turn the cold shoulder and do not evenbother to look around because, hey, their problems are not our problems! Right?Wrong.
Theirproblems are our problems. If we love our neighbors as ourselves, then theirproblems become our problems. I know this is not the happy ending you have beensearching for, but it is true. And oftentimes, the truth is not pretty. Thetruth hurts. This is not dolled up or fancied, it is the truth. But there ishope now, forever, and at the end of our dim-lit tunnel because there alwaysis. Light will be there too, shining optimism and a bright future upon us all.
So,maybe we share the same problems in that we all have the same problems. Thetime is here to start the solution. Let this be your call to action. This isnot a remark on government and this is not a commentary on government. Simply,this is a man, down on his knees, begging for someone to care. This is a woman,in hand with her child, standing at the check-out counter with a dime in herhand, needing someone to care. This is not a political strategy; this is a cry forhelp and assistance in a world that so desperately needs someone to offer ahand. This is a cry for help in a world who needs to know the pain is almostover. This is a cry for help. The world needs help. Please, help me be thishelp.
Smile, because thereis action to take. Smile, because everything will be alright.
Powered by AspNetForum
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software