Poetry Forum

Adberian - all messages by user

8/23/2012 12:54:19 AM
I would love your opinions. :)	This poem is still quite rough, but I seem to have hit a rock. Any and all feedback would be fantastic! Thank you in advance. It’s a hunger for you One you can’t satisfy You settle down Then you wonder why Tie one down Then on to the next With little mind To those you oppress But without runners There is no race No way for you To taste the chase With your sly tongue And your foolish smile Recruiting isn’t hard But you’ll bore after a while edited by Adberian on 8/23/2012
pages: 1

8/23/2012 12:54:19 AM

This poem is still quite rough, but I seem to have hit a rock. Any and all feedback would be fantastic!
Thank you in advance.

It’s a hunger for you
One you can’t satisfy
You settle down
Then you wonder why

Tie one down
Then on to the next
With little mind
To those you oppress

But without runners
There is no race
No way for you
To taste the chase

With your sly tongue
And your foolish smile
Recruiting isn’t hard
But you’ll bore after a while
edited by Adberian on 8/23/2012

pages: 1