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Forum Home » High Critique » Sliver -Honest critique

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/26/2023 6:13:08 AM

Andrea Carreno
Posts: 1
Help with formatting, grammar, writing style. maybe its just not great. All feedback welcome. also may be unfinished




Sliver




Frivolous ashes bursting aloof

Smile Child, but not on the outside




Her essence diluted to the simplest form

remnants of an echo,

the aftermath of storms




Awaken the shadows within

Joyriding tsunamis from waves yet to be transcended

In my subconscious, comfort never ended




A magnetic connection piercing the fields of solitude,

Reach for the heart, but occupy the soul

Every piece you take…carries its toll




Agonizing over love once lost

You took their smile, but at what cost?




If you are intact, you’ll never be alone

The heavy breathing of a confined ego finds a place to call “home”
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