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Forum Home » High Critique » Critique please!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/9/2023 7:09:40 AM

The Ant
Posts: 9
I wish somebody would’ve told me

I wish somebody would’ve told me
That the world never ends
Even when you want it to.
When a black hole swallows you up
On the spot
When an earthquake leaves you cracked and bleeding
When a wave covers you and you drown
In a sea of deep dark pain.
The world goes on,
It keeps moving, keeps spinning,
Leaving you behind.
I wish somebody would’ve told me
That screaming is it’s own natural disaster
Yelling into the void of moving bodies,
Is taking a magnifying glass to an ant hill
And burning it down
Pain spreads the farther your voice carries
As you watch your pain burn down the world,
Then you open your eyes and no one has heard you
The scream never left your bloody lips
I wish somebody would’ve told me
That disasters don’t count
When they happen in your brain.
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3/9/2023 2:48:29 PM

Di11y Da11y
Posts: 17
This reads great to me, I wouldn't change it.
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3/10/2023 6:22:48 AM

The Ant
Posts: 9
Thank you, that means a lot
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3/16/2023 1:10:36 PM

Jenny Gargarello
Posts: 4
I love your poem. The only change I would make is maybe to separate it into stanzas. Great work.
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