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1/20/2023 7:41:33 AM John OZEMKO Posts: 6	Beagles’ breath I love now as I awake. Your wet tongue keenly laps my chin and brow. I know your love is true and full, not fake. You impart your joy and love to me now. The battles of the night have bled away. And my eyes can blink back to life once more. “Good girl!” in gravel tones aloud I say. Then lean up fast to grasp your furry maw. Best friend to me and I to you am proud. Even our soaring love as such must fail. As ruin will likely wrap you in a shroud. In pain of grief sorrowfully I’ll wail! Doing as I’ve done each time before death Has brought me to the fatal edge of doom I selfish, will seek to find one who’s breath Will kiss me to raise my heart from the gloom!
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1/20/2023 7:42:03 AM John OZEMKO Posts: 6	Most interested in crit
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1/21/2023 9:43:45 AM manivelle Posts: 1	Well, look: it's "whose" breath. I'd caution against using your easy rhymes: all they do is rhyme and encourage you to contort your language. I'd go off and read some mature elegies to see what it's all about.
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2/2/2023 9:42:07 AM John OZEMKO Posts: 6	Thanks. Please suggest such as I should read to improve my work. Thanks OZ
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2/6/2023 2:42:24 AM Di11y Da11y Posts: 17	Hi John, I'm not an experienced poet but I don't think studying is strictly necessary. The poem does convey the situation but I think perhaps needs to convey more emotion. It looks written to be a poem rather than written out of feeling. The best advice is to edit and rework until you are happy with it. Sometimes putting it down and working on something else then going back to it. Poetry is very personal, so sometimes others opinions don't matter so much as it is your poem and your thoughts and your rules. Good luck and I hope you are enjoying writing.
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2/23/2023 4:39:08 AM John OZEMKO Posts: 6	Thank you Dilly. Always happy am I when something I've penned gets a read and a comment. OZ
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