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Forum Home » Be Gentle » Slabs (First poem)

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/26/2021 10:52:57 AM

Emily Adair
Posts: 1
Hi I've been tentatively thinking about dipping my toe into poetry for a while, but this one just sort of fell out of me. I would appreciate some honest feedback.




Slabs





I write in slabs.

Grey. Square. Stone.

They work so well.

Work as they’re meant to

Side by side. Line them up in rows.

Two by two. Four by Four. Eight by eight.

My words multiply and bloom, and something spills within them.

Tumbling from fingers, cascading out towards shining azure sky.

A saffron flower curling verdant through the cracks.

An accident of sunlight and rain.

And they see it. I see it.

I hate it. Cut it out. No good.

Pull up the weed.

Nice try weed. But not now.

No more of that.

More slabs.
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11/27/2021 2:53:57 AM

Eduardo Richardson
Posts: 65
I read your poem and I liked it very much. You really don't notice that you wrote it for the first time. I really liked the style of writing and the form in which you presented your thoughts.
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12/3/2021 5:16:43 PM

Neil Johns
Posts: 6
Enjoyed.
Would have been satisfied if this left my page.
N
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