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4/24/2021 1:50:11 PM Zephyr Cessabit Posts: 5	I'm new to writing poetry, and it would be really helpful if you could give me constructive criticism on this poem I wrote called Ghostwriter. I want to get better at writing, so any comments you have would be greatly appriciated! Ghostwriter Dear, you. I apologize if I scared you. It must be pretty nuts to see a pen write without a hand to move it. You can’t see me, but I ‘m here. Well, we’re here. We’ve been here since you were just a kid. You were scared of us then, maybe you still are. But you should know, we mean no harm. We’re really not supposed to communicate with you. Our job is to make grunts and moans, creak floorboards, you know, the usual. But you haven’t been yourself lately. We’re worried. The monsters under your bed are soaking wet from all the tears you cry. They don’t mind the water, though. They just want you to feel alright. The demons in your closet want you to know they aren’t the same as the ones in your head. Everyone around the office hates those guys. The phantom behind you watches you type messages that you don’t send. He says you shouldn’t be paranoid. Please don’t ghost your friends. I’ve seen the pills you keep around, just in case you need a way out. I tried to knock them into the trash, But I broke your lamp instead. I’m sorry. We used to watch you paint, and draw, and play guitar, but now all you do is lay under pillows, eyes closed, awake. We want to tell you we’ll always be here. We’ll always be under your bed, in your closet, around your room. We’ll always be here. You are not alone. Sincerely, The Things That Go Bump In The Night
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4/25/2021 11:45:17 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	Over all, I say well done. Conversational, clear, an enjoyable persona in the poem, addressing a heavy subject in light-hearted, life-affirming way that eschews wallowing. So, yes, very good. There is one line I would experiment with during revision to see if there are options you haven’t considered yet: from all the tears you cry I would try to approach this line in an indirect way, perhaps something like: like all the tissues or something like that. The riddle invites the reader in; the more the reader fills in the gap, the more engaged they are in the poem (as long as it doesn’t become overly burdensome). Putting the word tears, cry, etc... is kinda like tossing a penny off the empire state building.
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