Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/2/2021 11:05:47 AM
Jennifer Cahill Posts: 13
|
Today, I feel her- she alerts her soul-mates, their storm- colored bodies. She..cries,
her wings contracted, a honk mingled with a " I am amongst you", and chimes
so dampened, they toll like Hemingway's Bell. A Goose, Canadian- a wife-
is in my dried throat this morning, within the drops of the shower; a peal,
but a high note "oppressed". The fat, so off-key with the song of my being, folds
into pastel wings. They are light, like an American shore bleached by the Suns.
My wet, soft blonde arms reach for Irish sea-tints: a bar, and a rainforest (shampoo).
To cleanse coffee oils. My hands rub against the porousness. The bouying scents,
like the sparks of incense, sink into my entity. And the shrine could flood.
My hair twists like rope, enshrouds my loosened countenance that is a burnt rose.
The sheen of this skin shines in the yellow watt's glow. I sing; I lift the grass-
green towel to dry. I grab the faded face cloth, the hue of a weary
field, barren but for the gold butter-cup weeds of the longest days. I toss the tough
machine-threaded cotton, to FLY..off of my body. My damp hair is night
colored; blonde wings clipped at birth. Yet, within the misty brushstrokes of morning,
beneath a gentle wedding-white sky with lilac lace, she may feast, hushed.
Today, I feel her- she alerts her soul-mates, their storm- colored bodies. She..cries,
her wings contracted, a honk mingled with a " I am amongst you", and chimes
so dampened, they toll like Hemingway's Bell. A Goose, Canadian- a wife-
is in my dried throat this morning, within the drops of the shower; a peal,
but a high note "oppressed". The fat, so off-key with the song of my being, folds
into pastel wings. They are light, like an American shore bleached by the Suns.
My wet, soft blonde arms reach for Irish sea-tints: a bar, and a rainforest (shampoo).
To cleanse coffee oils. My hands rub against the porousness. The bouying scents,
like the sparks of incense, sink into my entity. And the shrine could flood.
My hair twists like rope, enshrouds my loosened countenance that is a burnt rose.
The sheen of this skin shines in the yellow watt's glow. I sing; I lift the grass-
green towel to dry. I grab the faded face cloth, the hue of a weary
field, barren but for the gold butter-cup weeds of the longest days. I toss the tough
machine-threaded cotton, to FLY..off of my body. My damp hair is night
colored; blonde wings clipped at birth. Yet, within the misty brushstrokes of morning,
beneath a gentle wedding-white sky with lilac lace, she may feast, hushed.
-- Jennifer Cahill
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
3/2/2021 7:04:10 PM
Yonathan Asefaw Posts: 9
|
This was a beautiful read! I think it works well when it comes to imagery but it was a bit tedious, and almost jarred me when reading the poem due to it being too long. Is this an epic poem by the way? It rhymes (which is nice) It is also repetitive which I don't know why. I think you can cut it down though, make it shorter.
|
• permalink
• reply with quote
|
Powered by AspNetForum
6.6.0.0
© 2006-2010 Jitbit Software