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Forum Home » High Critique » A Canadian Goose Landed in My Throat

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/2/2021 11:05:47 AM

Jennifer Cahill
Posts: 13
Today, I feel her-
she alerts her soul-mates, their storm-
colored bodies. She..cries,

her wings contracted,
a honk mingled with a " I am
amongst you", and chimes

so dampened, they toll
like Hemingway's Bell. A Goose,
Canadian- a wife-

is in my dried throat
this morning, within the drops
of the shower; a peal,

but a high note "oppressed".
The fat, so off-key with the song
of my being, folds

into pastel wings.
They are light, like an American
shore bleached by the Suns.

My wet, soft blonde arms
reach for Irish sea-tints: a bar,
and a rainforest (shampoo).

To cleanse coffee oils.
My hands rub against the porousness.
The bouying scents,

like the sparks of incense,
sink into my entity.
And the shrine could flood.

My hair twists like rope,
enshrouds my loosened countenance
that is a burnt rose.

The sheen of this skin
shines in the yellow watt's glow.
I sing; I lift the grass-

green towel to dry.
I grab the faded face cloth,
the hue of a weary

field, barren but for the gold
butter-cup weeds of the longest
days. I toss the tough

machine-threaded cotton,
to FLY..off of my body.
My damp hair is night

colored; blonde wings clipped
at birth. Yet, within the misty
brushstrokes of morning,

beneath a gentle
wedding-white sky with lilac
lace, she may feast, hushed.



Today, I feel her-
she alerts her soul-mates, their storm-
colored bodies. She..cries,

her wings contracted,
a honk mingled with a " I am
amongst you", and chimes

so dampened, they toll
like Hemingway's Bell. A Goose,
Canadian- a wife-

is in my dried throat
this morning, within the drops
of the shower; a peal,

but a high note "oppressed".
The fat, so off-key with the song
of my being, folds

into pastel wings.
They are light, like an American
shore bleached by the Suns.

My wet, soft blonde arms
reach for Irish sea-tints: a bar,
and a rainforest (shampoo).

To cleanse coffee oils.
My hands rub against the porousness.
The bouying scents,

like the sparks of incense,
sink into my entity.
And the shrine could flood.

My hair twists like rope,
enshrouds my loosened countenance
that is a burnt rose.

The sheen of this skin
shines in the yellow watt's glow.
I sing; I lift the grass-

green towel to dry.
I grab the faded face cloth,
the hue of a weary

field, barren but for the gold
butter-cup weeds of the longest
days. I toss the tough

machine-threaded cotton,
to FLY..off of my body.
My damp hair is night

colored; blonde wings clipped
at birth. Yet, within the misty
brushstrokes of morning,

beneath a gentle
wedding-white sky with lilac
lace, she may feast, hushed.

--
Jennifer Cahill
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3/2/2021 7:04:10 PM

Yonathan Asefaw
Posts: 9
This was a beautiful read! I think it works well when it comes to imagery but it was a bit tedious, and almost jarred me when reading the poem due to it being too long. Is this an epic poem by the way? It rhymes (which is nice) It is also repetitive which I don't know why. I think you can cut it down though, make it shorter.
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