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Forum Home » High Critique » Breaking Free

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/9/2011 11:01:13 AM

adael irizarry
Posts: 1
Deep thoughts cloud my mind
engraving sad images into my cerebrum
they now spread through my body like wildfire
leaving me paralyzed and helpless
cannot move, these emotional chains have tied me down
escape is imminent, I'm just trapped in my body
I try to scream but I'm the only one hearing it
suddenly I get that push to set me free
free from the sorrow that binds me
the ducts opening, letting out tears of heartache, pain and forlorn
relieved of this sadness that has kept me confined
it is okay to cry
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12/10/2011 4:56:46 AM

David Rombo
Posts: 1
Deep and solid, however i would suggest a more involving approach especially in the middle.but all in all its an amazing piece of brilliance.
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