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Forum Home » High Critique » THE SINGING OF THE HYMNS

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/21/2020 8:12:19 PM

mike porter
Posts: 10
During the singing of the hymns A miracle suddenly appeared to the congregation.The church was shaken by thunder and lightning to its foundation.And the glorious voices of angels came down singing in dedication.



Praises to seven glorified saints and to the holy men in jubilationWho faithfully carried the cross upon their backs in consecration.Singing sacred chants of holy praises to the almighty in exaltation



And the seven spirits began to circle the altar seven times seven in unification.miraculously seven golden chained thuribles appeared in ornamentation for the ceremonial purification



of hot coals and hyssop incense That filled the church with the sweet fragrance. of hope and salvation
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12/27/2020 12:56:10 PM

Rob Levasseur
Posts: 2
The formatting of this nice little piece is distracting and does not lend itself to being read as a poem. There are spacing and grammatical issues as well. Specifically, spacing after the periods. After jubilation there is no space or punctuation before "Who faithfully..."unification.miraculously" is also poor grammar.

I feel as though not much thought went into actually making this look and feel like a poem. It simply looks like you threw a bunch of words on the wall and said the hell with revisions.

Just sayin...
edited by RecoveryWise on 12/27/2020

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Rob
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