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Forum Home » Be Gentle » Please give me feedback

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/12/2020 11:05:03 AM

Alison Hodges
Posts: 6
The Search

This is what I was born to
Dancing on a whim,
Foraging in the earth,
Tied not by father’s science or mother’s nurture
Bound not by head or by heart, free from all constraints

An earthy fullness, lightened by the earthworm’s macerations
The essence that words cannot hold for more than a moment
That which flickers between the edges and won’t be named

This is where I live
This is where my soul is nourished and my voice is found
Between the quavering
Intermingling with the stars and sky
The mundaneand the holy

A place that man cannot know
Friends canonly sense
That is where I abide
Its essencefeeds me

If I name it
– It vanishes
I simply breathe it in and release its passion with eachbreath
Stirring the spirits of those around me who feel its whisperupon their neck
Ah!
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2/13/2020 10:39:27 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
Ananda, now,
all searching done,
has only reached the beginning,
yet still a self that finds or fails
leaves all the cycles spinning.

A heap of snow beneath the sky
is still a gathered heap,
even if the sky’s not named
with ordinary speech.

Triumphant self, still yet to melt
and vanish on the wind.
No victor left to find or fail;
Into with the sky reblend.

Ananda, now,
all searching done,
anatta, anatta, anatta.
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2/13/2020 9:48:38 PM

Alison Hodges
Posts: 6
I'm going back to have another go at it …. at least I'm at the starting line and not 6 yards behind it!
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