Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/26/2020 12:58:20 PM
Derek Vallandingham Posts: 3
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R.I.P Though memories fade, how long do they last When I think about you, try to forget my past Wasn't just a friend, more like my brother we were alway's down to ride & there for another But now your gone & left your daughter behind Don't worry bout it playa, it's as if she were mine & it's no thing, I love that girl to death What I would give for you to have one more breath The day I heard the news I fell & dropped My heart skipped a beat may of even stopped Wish I could rewind the clock & stop the time Because a friend like you is hard to find Trying to keep it together, have to let you go Got to be strong, can't let my emotions show I'm falling apart but trying the best I can Steady losing focus I just don't understand Was at the top of my game, how did I fall so fast Don't feel the same, it's like I'm wearing a mask My future is dim don't seem very bright Have to step out of the dark & into the light Even though I'm hurt, this isn't the end It's time to say goodbye, to my best friend
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1/27/2020 2:07:43 PM
Jack Webster Posts: 255
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Pretend you’re a journalist observing the daughter, recording the sights and sounds of her play, of her day. Contrast the reality with what the deceased person would be doing if they were there, or what they used to do when they were there. In the final stanza stop writing as a journalist and write from first person showing how you play with the daughter.
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