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1/6/2020 9:08:58 PM Jules semilore Iyen Posts: 3	Life Yesterday is gone Yesterday is dead Today is here weeping Weeping at her sisters departure Today is growing and going To be buried as yesterday Time and time Say we tarry not Tomorrow is an unborn orphan Everyday is a still born The future shall come to now And every now shall become then So shall every living man Who treads The orbit of life Sink and pass away Such is life.
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1/26/2020 12:25:51 PM Victoria Hunter Posts: 4	I am under a strict internet online time schedule, due to my writing life, so I apologize if my post seem very forward. Here are some suggestion for improving the poem, that may come as a surprise. 1. I think the poem starts here. " tomorrow is an unborn orphan" I would consider creating an entire poem, based on how time is an unborn orphan. I would tell something about the unborn orphan, and use tomorrow as it the attached image. I would also make "tomorrow" an object, something with matter that can be physically felt. In my published two time awarded poem, which I will share soon, I start off by saying "is a dusty-rippled salt shaker" remember Aristotle says "The sign of a writing genius is metaphor" You may want to give some info on the object you use to represent time. I will be messaging you to send you some resources, that will improve the poem. Your poem having no more than 7 stanzas, I think will be just fine. I look forward to seeing the revised version, and also giving that version critique. Congrats on your step to get feedback, for it quickly improves the writing. edited by Victoria Hunter on 1/26/2020 edited by Victoria Hunter on 1/26/2020 edited by Victoria Hunter on 1/26/2020
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