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Forum Home » High Critique » Honest opinions please

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
10/19/2019 9:40:59 AM

Shilee Karpany
Posts: 1
The pains unbearable I can not breath, I can't even see the light. But I hold the power over everyone's future, even a hundred years from now.
For I am the first in my line of descendants, and their fate is in my hands. But I can't go on I can not see, desperation its long gone. The darkness it consumes me now, and the emptiness it grows.
And then I look to young ones eyes, and see beyond the wall. The pain its there, I see despair and all the harm its caused. Its me that set the tone for this, even centuries from the past.
For I am the first in my line of descendants, and their futures I create. The sorrow now its living there, as tomorrow fills with hate. But I do not care, why should I care for me the past did make. So the cycle now continues on and never shall it break.
Generations fall to dark, bad discussion's they will make. Repercussions grow like poison spreads, each affected by it all.
And then I look to young ones eyes, and see beyond the wall. The pain's still there it won't disappear, all continuing it will grow. The world is bleak, my spirits beat. The will for life has left me now, the flame inside long gone.
But I must get up and break those ties, I must break down that wall.
For I am the first in my line of descendants, and it was me who made them all....
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