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10/15/2019 4:29:34 PM Laine Lubar Posts: 4	The Things That Strangle A pen quivering above a page, a thought drips hesitantly, like sweat in the heat of fear. Water does not quench this, the dry around my voice that stops my sound before it reaches the world. When I reach into the heart of me, my words lay covered under a quilt of words others have used to describe me, a patchwork identity: stupid, worthless, asexual. In the space between creativity and the paper that holds my words, there is a wall of voices, judging – my mother laughing at the angst of a tortured attempt to understand sexuality, pretty girls noting every flaw I’ve ever hidden deciphering my secrets on the bathroom walls – these are the things that constrict my throat, stop my voice. edited by LaineAmy on 10/15/2019
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10/16/2019 2:21:30 AM Jack Webster Posts: 255	I think it is a strong start. I would remove the last two lines. End with the bathroom walls. Explore ways to tighten up your lines/ phrases, and explore your line breaks further. For example; Pen quivers above the page. Thought drips hesitantly, like sweat in the heat of fear. I would remove the phrase ‘that holds my words’ and simply end the line with ‘paper’.
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